Now I know

Yesterday Lilah had her 9 month well check-up. My baby girl had one shot. She did great! I talked to her as Sharon, "the shot lady", prepared her for the shot. I told Lilah, step by step, what was going on. I whispered in her ear. I told her that Sharon was rubbing alcohol on her leg, drying it, then I told Lilah that she would feel a little sting. She cried for just a second. I talked to her the entire time Sharon rubbed her leg. Lilah calmed down quickly.
Before Lilah had her shot, she was weighed and measured, and we saw Dr. Cossio. (Lilah is 22.9 lbs. and 29.75 inches long)He examined her. We talked about her eyes. I told him I thought her right eye was doing better this second time on the FML. Here is the dialogue:

Cossio: "Is she crawling?"
Me: "NO"
Cossio: "Is she pulling herself up?"
Me: "No"
Cossio: "How is she doing with eating?"
Me: "She won't eat certain things because she's so tactile defensive.(dislikes certain textures) I keep trying but she doesn't like the puffs, cheerios and larger pieces."
Silent Pause
Me: "We had a PT with BCW but that didn't work out. We start Backus (Children's Rehab Facility)on Monday."
Cossio: "GOOD. They will do PT, OT, and more with her."
Me: "So, do you think her eyes have improved?"
Cossio: "Her left eye is reflexing, where it wasn't at birth, but her right still isn't"
Me: "What does that mean? Don't you think they are both better. You can be honest with me, you're not gonna hurt my feelings."
Cossio: "Let me show you."

He handed me the Direct Opthalmoscope.(click on the previous word to see what I am talking about) He told me to point the light on her eye and look through the hole. We examined her left eye first.(Her better eye.)

Cossio: "Do you see the red in the middle?"
Me:"Yes."
Cossio: "When she was born there was no red. I could not see her lenses. In the red area(her pupil) you can see the blood vessels. I can see her optic nerve, too. Can you see the blood vessels?"
Me: "Yes. I can see it all."
Cossio: "Now, look at the right."

Here comes the part when Mommy's stomach tied in a HUGE knot.

I moved the scope to her right eye, placed the light on it, and looked through the hole.

Cossio: "You don't see any red, do you? You can't see the blood vessels or the lens."
Me...sadly: "No"
Me...holding onto all hope and composure I had: "But its clearer, less white and more gray than before. Don't you think?"

I spent more time looking at the right and my heart hurt more and more with each passing second. The entire time I am BEGGING God.... "PLEASE clear this eye and let me see red!"

Then....a glimmer....a small glimmer of HOPE.

In the interior portion of the eye, close to the nose, the size of a pin head......I saw pink.

God....oh God....PLEASE turn this pink to red. Please take every bit of white and gray from this eye and give Lilah the ability to see. The ability to experience this life to the fullest.


Tomorrow morning we head back to Atlanta to see Dr. Lee.

Answered prayer: Angel Flight is flying us again... Actually Welles is flying us again!!

So....This Prayer Warrior is armed and ready for battle. I am asking that you suit up with me and pray specifically for Lilah.

Heavenly Father,
Thank you. Thank you for ALL you have done for our family. Thank you for bringing Lilah into my life. Thank you for her. Thank you for all you have done for Lilah. Thank you for teaching me through her. Thank you for teaching others through her. I do not have enough words to express my gratitude for my miracle. Lord, I come to you today with a heavy heart. As many times before, but even more so today. I come asking for your power. I come asking for your perfect healing. I am asking that you, oh merciful Lord, please take the cloudiness, the white, the gray, and the scarring from Lilah's eyes. Please bring Lilah the gift of sight. Please do not let blindness and glaucoma ever touch these eyes. Please continue to clear her eyes, as only YOU can. Please allow Lilah to see from both of her eyes. Please keep us safe tomorrow on our flight. Please let us get great news from Dr. Lee. Please let him, once again, be impressed with her progress. Please allow the patching, I have done for a month, to strengthen the muscles of the right eye. Please give me the courage, strength, wisdom, and grace to handle this roller coaster. Please continue to heal Sammie from her surgery. Please guide my Mom as she watches the older three. Please give her the strength to take care of them. Please keep them safe while we are away. Please allow us to return safely to our children. Please open the doors for a fantastic visit, and a safe journey. Thank you, Lord, for the miracles you are continuing to provide us. I love you, Lord! Thank you so much. I am forever and always grateful!


Thank you for your prayers! Thank you for your support. Thank you for NEVER giving up HOPE!