9 Months

I love when I say, "Smile for Mama" and this is what I get!

Lilah is 9 months old today!

Today we will be going to Dr. Cossio's for her 9 month well visit.

I am happy we are going so she can show him how far she has progressed.

(and for him to look at Sammie 6 days post surgery!)

But the truth of the matter is that I know he will remind me of what she needs to be doing. This is where it hurts. This is what stings the most. While all of the other 9 month old babies are sitting alone unattended, pulling to stand, crawling,etc....Lilah is not.

Yes, I know that some day she will get there. But, we are here today.

Sometimes I get really sad being in Holland. Please don't get me wrong. I LOVE Lilah.

MORE than anyone except God.

Just some days are really hard. Some days I don't leave the house because I am so, very tired of being reminded of how different she is from other babies. Sometimes I stay at home because I can love her unconditionally without the whole world judging her. Sometimes I want to yell and scream at people for their rude, inconsiderate, way too curious, mean, filter-less comments. Some days I am sad watching other babies examine their toys, their hands, and their Mother's eyes. What I wouldn't give to have Lilah look at me, really look at me. The things those mother's take for granted.They have no idea how very blessed they are to be able to hold their baby and that baby look them in the face and smile.

But...I don't stay in this place for long. I don't allow myself to be sad about Holland. I try each moment of my day to remember the amazing things about Holland.

In my Holland...the tulips have bloomed and are reaching for the sun.

Lilah is reaching for toys with both hands now. For a baby who was born blind...she couldn't see the toys above her before. With what limited sight she does have....she sees them and she grabs them. Lilah is working very hard with the patch. She hates it, but I make the hour go by fast and do a mini PT and vision therapy session to get her mind off of it.

Today as I am reminded of how different she is....I will remind myself of how far she has come!