When it came time for Lilah's turn. I kissed her and handed her to Rosie. Lilah turned her head around and started to wave to me. Not a cry, complaint, tear...just a smile and a wave.
All the other Moms and Dads watching said, "awww!" And I said, "I love you. Have a fun!"
After Aaron and I finished serving with the 3 year olds, we walked back to go check on Lilah. Through the one way mirror we saw all the "toddlers" playing, crashing cars, pushing buttons, playing with puzzles, running, screaming, etc. But not my Lilah. Lilah was on the floor on her belly, cheek smashed to the floor, as she normally does when it is too loud, too much activity, too quiet...anything that is "too much." Lilah was trying to "self soothe" in the midst of the chaos.
Aaron and I stared at her through the glass. No one could see us. We watched all these children play..and we stared at our girl. We LONGED for her to get up, play, be a part of it all, do those "normal" toddler things...but she wasn't. She was just laying there. See Lilah does this when she is over stimulated or when she's not being spoken to one on one. This is just part of "her."
I sat in church during the worship service thinking about what I saw. I began to get sad. I could feel it. I could feel the questions start to rise again.
"Why does she have to be so different?"
"Why does she have to be the child that looks and acts different?"
I completely let an AMAZING moment skip out of my head for a brief 3 minutes we watched her. I let 3 minutes change my mood and my thoughts. I allowed Satan to work in my head and make me question everything. Right there in church. WHY? Why did I do that?
But, I praised God for all that he has done, and prayed during Cam talking. And God reminded me of my girl. Of that moment just two hours earlier when Lilah was the one calm child going back to play...
and that is when I leaned over to Aaron and whispered in his ear what happened. And he smiled. That smile on his face. The joy of knowing his daughter waved at his wife, without prompting...reminded me to focus on what Lilah DOES do...