Its been said that faith isn't faith until its ALL you're holding on to.
Last night at church the topic was faith and big risks. The pastor, Vince, from Verve Church spoke last night. Verve is a church ON the strip in Las Vegas. They sure know a thing or two about faith and big risks; don't you think?!
So, Vince talked about how most Christians live life playing it safe because it is too comfortable in the safe zone. Not many want to really follow the call on their heart by God because of fear.
"Risk leads to fear and fear leads to faith." Vince. Well, my FEAR of being honest about where I am has led me to not post or share on here in a LONG time. Today I am stepping out in FAITH. Praying I can help someone....somehow.
Now, I have always been ultra transparent here. VERY. I am walking out in FAITH and risking MUCH by sharing a part of my testimony that many don't know.
I will be the same transparent person today... while using some discernment.
5 years ago something VERY painful happened to me in my marriage. Two events actually. One was heart wrenching emotionally. The other was physically painful. Both events tore me apart. Both events made me question everything I thought I knew was "safe."
I poured into my, then, small group. They saw my heart breaking. They saw the aftermaths the next morning after "the incident." What they really didn't see was the woman that was telling the story didn't realize she was worth enough to walk away from what was causing her such pain and heart ache.
I agreed to forgive and move on...Grateful I did because God sent me Lilah.
What I questioned God for...her unknown disability, WHY would He "do this" to my child....has become a HUGE revelation in the last 3.5 years of her life.
While questioning God WHY, crying daily, I watched my child struggle to do tasks that typically functioning people take SO for granted....I had a revelation: if I expect Lilah to fight HARD physically and emotionally, why do I expect anything less for myself?
Going on the walk to Emmaus, then doing the Captivating study with Barbara Feemster at Savannah Christian Church were both key to my healing.
Also, attempting things that I never thought I would ever do physically: running my first 5K, 10K, half marathon then full marathon. a 70# total weight loss. To date: I have run 3 half marathons, 2 mud runs, many 5Ks and 10Ks and am training for my second full marathon.
I have come to understand that this new chapter of my life: single Mom of 4 kids will be harder than all of those things combined. I have always done things alone and by myself, but this time it will require me to figure out a way to be financially independent.
I plan to finish my degree. In what? I am not quite sure.
I pray my photography business will bloom.
Just like the last 3.5 years took time, sweat, heart ache, and pain...this new chapter has already had LOTS of that.
What it requires more and more and MORE of is .... FAITH.
I look at Lilah EVERY DAY and thank God for her. If God hadn't sent her to me I would have NEVER become the woman I am today. Lilah was sent to show me my worth, help me release my demons, and allow me to have courage to share my story to help others.
God is pretty cool when He does that.