A sick little girl with so much to face

Lilah has a double ear infection, an upper respiratory infection, AND...excuse this personal part.... she is having some issues going number two.

All of this after I was at the hospital with Sammie for 2 days, and I am minus a voice. Two days without a voice is a little hard to parent 4 kids. Poor Lilah. She can't see me very well....and now she can't hear me. She is NOT a happy camper. She didn't sleep at all last night. Breathing treatments weren't helping the cough and she had a lot of pain from the ear infections.

I pray that we will get better very soon. BECAUSE...Lilah has a BIG day next Wednesday.


Lilah is being seen by Dr. Marc Greenberg at Scottish Rite. He is a Pediatric Ophthalmologist. Dr. Lee has referred us to him. Dr. Lee wanted to put Lilah under anesthesia to perform a very extensive exam, but Dr. Greenberg wants to try all of the tests in his office first.

Lilah will have her eyes dilated (they told me this, alone, will take 45 minutes), she will have her pressures and corneal thickness checked, they will check her acuity, she will have an ultrasound of her eyes. Dr. Greenberg will be doing all of this while Lilah is awake. OR at least attempt to. His office staff told me that this visit will "TAKE HOURS!"

I am SO scared for this visit. This is it. We will know. We will really know.

On 9-23-09, just 2 days shy of her 10 month birthday, I will know what type of vision Lilah has. I am reeling, racing, questioning, thinking, praying, worried...scared out of my mind.

Have I made the right choices? Have I asked for the right prayers? Is it the best thing that Lilah has not had the transplant? Would she be able to see right now if we had gone ahead and done it? Does she really have Sclerocornea and it is a good thing we did NOT do the transplant? Will she end up with a transplant anyway? Does she have early Glaucoma symptoms? Has Glaucoma gotten to her retinal nerve, optic nerve, and damaged them both without warning? Have I failed Lilah? Did I not do what was in her best interest? Have I been so scared of surgery that I have limited her sight....FOREVER?
Have I messed up? Should I have gone for more opinions? Should I have asked for more prayers, more anointings, trust? Oh Lord...what have I done here? My mind is a ball of mess! I am so fearful. Satan has a grasp on my mind and will not let go. Lord, keep that evil being from me!!!

Philippians 4:6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Lord,
I ask you to give me your peace. Wrap me with your peace and comfort me with your grace, mercy, and help me to trust you. I am so fearful for Lilah. I am so fearful for what I will hear next Wednesday. Help me to trust that your will is the right path for Lilah. This is not easy for me. Trusting you is easy, but laying Lilah at your feet and asking you to protect her and giving her to you fully is SO hard. I know she is your child first, but I have such a hard time understanding that you REALLY want what is best for her. I know you love Lilah. And as hard as it is to say...I know you Love her more than me. I do not know how that is possible because I love her more than I could ever express by words, touch, or emotions.
I come to you Lord...begging you to take this visit and give us good news. I am not equipped with the strength to handle the bad news right now. I feel so broken. I feel so lost. I feel so helpless. I need your strength. I cannot do this without YOU, oh Lord. PLEASE help me. I am so burdened. I am so full of fear. The unknown is eating me alive. I cannot breathe for the fear has overtaken me. I need your help, Lord. Help calm me and give me peace.
PLEASE Lord, please give Lilah vision. Please allow Dr. Greenberg to give us your words. Please let him be a man who loves you. Please let Dr. Greenberg have a heart for you. Please let him be inspired and in awe of Lilah. Please let him be moved by her story and her strength. Please give Dr. Greenberg and his staff the tools to make us aware of Lilah's acuity and field. Please allow there to be a way for Lilah to have more use of her vision if by glasses, contacts, or other methods. I ask for her pressures to be normal. I ask for her corneas to have thinned even more. I, along with many others reading this, beg of you to give Lilah complete healing from this pain. Watching Lilah struggle to try to see hurts me so, Lord. You know the pain I have Lord. You know I am still dealing with all of this. Lord, please help me to trust you on this path for Lilah.
I thank you, Lord, for trusting me with Lilah. I pray that I am honoring you in the way I Mother her.
I love you Lord and thank you for hearing my pleas. Please hear my cries for help and heal Lilah.