Peace

Psalm 120:6Too long have I lived among those who hate peace

I have worried for so long about whether or not I was making the right choices for Lilah. I remember asking Dr. Devaro at one of our first few visits with him if I should take Lilah to other places in the country. New York, California, Florida...anywhere. I remember telling him that all we wanted was the best for Lilah and we would go to the end of the earth for her. Dr. Devaro said, "I want you in Atlanta because when she gets Glaucoma she needs to be seen by the best and Emory has the best Glaucoma facility in the country." Read that again. He didn't say "if she gets Glaucoma"...he said "when." Glaucoma is the biggest side effect of the Congenital Cornea Opacity diagnosis. I remember Devaro telling us that when a child is diagnosed with bilateral opacities they do the best with transplants. He said if one eye gets clear naturally and the other is opaque, the transplant isn't as successful. He said that the naturally more clear "good" eye would have to be patched for 8 hours a day so that the transplanted eye could get vision and eventually all the patching over the original good eye would cause vision loss in that eye. Then the transplanted eye would never be 100% free of rejection. (Success rate on corneal transplants is 10-20%) If the eye rejects the transplant then you'd try another, and another, and another....then maybe artificial implants until they either take, glaucoma sets in, retina fails, optic nerve fails, and total blindness occurs.

Dr. Lee and Dr. Greenberg confirmed all of that information.

Lilah has never had a severe case of Peters. (there are some very serious cases ...bulges out of the eyes...some I just cannot imagine) Now we know Lilah has Peters in the right eye and Sclerocornea in the left. We have been told that Sclerocornea patients do not transplant well. Lilah's left eye is clearing faster with the steroid drops. The right eye is slower, but still healing.

So many opinions are out there on corneal opacities. So many schools of thought. So much information is out there. We could drive ourselves crazy, torture Lilah with countless surgeries, procedures, Doctor visits, plane rides, car rides, more time away from the other three kids, more time away as a family. All to end up with the same result Vision Impaired...or "worse" Lilah could be Totally Blind from Glaucoma and/or surgery complications. Everything has risks. Surgery, Drops, No Drops, No Surgery. We are not uneducated parents. We have thought about this every moment of everyday for the past 10 months. We must, as her parents....the people who love her the most other than God...make the best decision we can for her. We must weigh our options carefully...yet always praying, hoping, and knowing if the Lord decides to heal her miraculously or by medical means then she will be healed. Lilah will see someday. I just do not know whether it will be here on this earth or the first time she meets Jesus face to face.

We will never give up trying and fighting for Lilah to see. We also want Lilah to have an amazing quality of life. We do not want Lilah to dislike herself because we are always trying to fix her. We want Lilah to be a confident woman with whatever sight she may or may not have.

This blog.... No, its not a blog. It is not a website. It is honesty. It is my space. My territory. It is my journal. It is where I am the most free, the most liberated, the most transparent...the most me. I have gotten so much healing from this. I am expressing my emotions, my fear, my worries, my stress, my good days, my great days, my prayers, my mind....my heart...my HOPE.

I am letting the world into my private place so that I may help, encourage, share, heal, give my testimony of faith and tell of the wonders of life believing in and trusting fully my Lord.

I will have some bad days. I am allowed those. But, I have hit the bottom and been so broken only to be restored in Christ knowing fully that I am at peace with my decisions for Lilah!


Job 22:21"Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you.


Psalm 29:11The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.

Proverbs 3:17Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace.

Proverbs 14:30A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.

Ecclesiastes 3:8a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

I get my strength from the Lord and I am at peace.