"May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you trust him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the holy spirit."

~Romans 15:13

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Burden

As we approach Lilah's next appointment this Thursday 7/30/09, I am, again, filled with many emotions, thoughts, and fears. I have prayed, given it to God, and prayed again. I feel the need to share what I am experiencing right now. Even as I write this, I realize it could be so much worse.

Each time we head to Atlanta we have many things we must organize before going:
  • What time to leave..the trip takes 4.5 hours one way, 9 hours round trip, 11 including the appointment
  • Will Lilah be any better
  • Who will watch Alex, Sammie, and Eli
  • Will Lilah be able to see
  • Who's vehicle can we borrow...our 97 Caravan won't make it(thank God Aaron and his Dad just fixed the A/C)...Aaron's 90 Bronco...gas prices...No way!
  • Will Lilah be better
  • Food to pack for Aaron, Lilah and myself
  • Cost...

Like I said, I realize that things could be worse...BUT every four weeks this is another burden I must ask others to help me carry. I have to find someone to watch the older three. The pressure test, holding her down, the corneal thickness test...all of those are hard enough for me and Aaron to watch. I know it would scare the ...you know what...out of my older three to watch their baby sister go through that.

I have an amazing group of friends and family who have helped me take care of the kids on the appointments. BUT I am interrupting their lives by asking for their help for 11 hours. Most of them work, most of them do not have small children, and those that do...that is three more kids I am asking them to watch. I know that they love me and my kids and want to help. I just feel like a HUGE burden to them. I pray that we will not have to go to ATL as much. I pray for normalcy.

I pray for the mundane!

I pray that Lilah is doing SO much better. That Lilah's eyes are clearing so much more. That her pressures are amazing. That her corneas are SO much thinner. I pray for the miracle of sight! I pray that blindness NEVER touches Lilah's eyes!!!

I pray that Dr. Lee will tell us we do not need to come back for a long time. I pray that if he wants to do the exam where Lilah will be sedated that he will do it soon before Alex goes back to school..before Sammie starts school.

I pray that the Lord will continue to bless us. We have struggled, financially, so much. I don't want to be rich. I just want to be able to not worry about how we can do this each month with the added expense of going to ATL. I would like to have the resources to fly....to fly to go see my new nephew, Christian, in Rhode Island(born 7/23/09...6lbs 5 oz). Some of this probably sounds ridiculous. Some of this sounds...I don't know. I am human. I am worried. I am overwhelmed. I pray for peace, for strength, for continued miracles for Lilah.

So, I will continue to praise and give it all to the Lord.

Psalm 68:19Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is the place to leave things,dear one.
Each little prayer from out here will help to lift things just a tiny bit from your heart and closer to Him. You know the answers, I just wish I was closer to help and financially more able too. Prayers are all I have. Blessings
QMM

Yvonne said...

Hey I have a 5 yr old son sam who also has Peter's. We live in Fl and take him to the University of Miami Bascom Palmer. It's suppoesed to be the best eye hospital according to USA wolrd reports..it's ok . He had transplants thoses failed and now he has implants. We had to take him to NY for that. Life has been a challenge!!!! I have a web site it's www.myrealifebyyvonne.blogspot.com/
my # is 352 567 6208 please feel free to call me!! I tried to email you and another mom last week but it came back undeleverable

Lisa Christine said...

Sometimes it feels better just to write out all your worries, and like QM said, leave them all here.

BTW....if we lived near one another, I would loan you my van....and watch your older 3. In a heartbeat.

Good luck. I'll be thinking about you on Thursday!

BoomerSooner said...

You don't sound ridiculous you sound normal and worried and I will continue to pray for you and your family. If only you lived closer we would watch your babies and you could use my car. I think you are an amazing mom and are doing such an awesome job juggling everything. Who is taking care of you? Stay strong. I pray Lilah's appointment goes wonderful. I always feel uptight and upset the days leading up to Maddy's appointments too. Head up! Call me if you want to talk! Katie

Kara said...

You sound like a mom who loves her children very much and it's not asking too much to have the means to support them. Take it to God, He WILL provide!