One of my concerns was whether or not Lilah would reach certain milestones because of her visual impairment. Having a child with special needs was new to me. I was learning. I asked questions, begged for more information and help, but was still so unaware and yet at the same time I am a MOMMY....My first and most important priority is to love my children with all my heart, figure out their unique needs as a person, and love them according to their personal love language.
I remember thinking about little things...crazy, small, out of the blue...where in the world did this come from type thoughts..."Will she smile?" (because she's happy or because like sighted children she is mimicking), "Will Lilah know when I leave the room?" (Separation Anxiety) "Will she be able to look in the mirror and know how beautiful she is?" "Will she crawl?" "Will she walk with or without a cane?" "Will she walk at all?" "Is it more than just her eyes?" "Will we ever really know?"
The questions went on and on and on....
Yesterday, Lilah did something I have never seen her do. I was playing with her on the floor. I heard Sammie ask for something from the other room...so I kissed Lilah's head and proceeded to get up. I barely made it to the hallway and looked back and there Lilah was starring at me... crying.
She didn't want me to leave. She officially has Separation Anxiety. Something so basic, so little, so small... something that drives other Mama's nuts...warmed my heart. She is growing. She is learning. She is aware. She knows what she wants and that is a VERY good thing!
3 comments:
Thank you for your honesty, Katie. Thank you for reminding me not to take the 'little things' for granted. As overjoyed as I still am with Amelia, someone recently said to me, "just wait, it'll get old-FAST" and I was stunned. I know that I'll be tired. Or frustrated, or whatever on the journey as a mother, but thank you for that nudge to love everyhting about my child and to take nothing for granted. I was washing bottles last night, folding tiny little clothes, etc. and worrying about all that I had to do, when I was hit, like a Mack truck, with joy. Joy that I have the blessing of being a mommy when I thought, for so long, I would not. You're right, what so many other Mamas get annoyed with, but I am grateful, and I PRAY that the person that told me "just wait, it'll get old-FAST" isn't right, and that everyday, I never forget to give thanks for her, her birthmother, and the One who gave her to me.
I love this entry....I love your honesty. So many other families take for granted the little things we don't. Good for you....good for Lilah! proud!
I know exactly what you are saying. Oh boy do I get it!!
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