The Bright Side

After processing and holding in so many emotions, I am writing this very early morning to say exactly how I feel. I love Lilah. Exactly how she is. I will always love her. Sight or no sight. I know that she is different. I know that she is not like other babies. I am tired of people pointing that out. I do not need people telling me how different she is. I know!

Lilah had her 2 month well check Thursday, 1/29/09. My pediatrician, Dr. Cossio, asked about the doctor in Atlanta. We talked about her eyes, her reflux, her nose (she's stuffy a lot), and I told him the comments people have been making. He almost seemed irritated that people were saying negative things. I told him I wanted to know all we are up against is just the eyes. I want to know if it is anything else. So, he agreed to a Chromosome test, to appease me and hush the comments. (Results in 3 weeks) Lilah had her immunizations and then had to have 7 cc drawn for the test. The tech who was suppose to help didn't come in, Lilah was screaming, and Sharon was having a very hard time finding a vein. So, I assisted her in an arterial stick.(No, I am not a nurse) I drew Lilah's blood into the two syringes. Sharon took the needle out and bandaged her up. Sharon kept telling me how great that was and how good a Mom I am. (Thanks Sharon, but I will do anything for my kids.......even draw their blood)

Now, I want you to know the positives about Lilah. I want you to know the great things about her. She weighed 11 lbs. 10 oz. She gained 3 pounds in 1 month! She is 24 inches long. She has such chunky arms that Sharon couldn't find her vein! I want to focus on these things. I am grateful for Lilah. I am blessed to have her. I pray that the Chromosome test comes back normal. But, if it doesn't, we will face it head on and still love Lilah. I want to share something with you that I read this morning. (Thank you Lisa!! www.donaldandlisasorensonfamily.blogspot.com) This does a great job of explaining exactly how I feel.

Welcome to Holland
by Emily Perl Kingsley
"I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland.""Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.

"But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandt's.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland."