Mama Bear

Have you ever read or heard about how Mother Bears protect their young? The cubs are at such a risk for other prey to hurt them that the Mother is always on HIGH alert when she takes her cubs out of the lair. She will raise up on her back legs, growl, make a scene...anything to protect her babies. Mother Bears have been known to kill anything that comes too close and makes her uncomfortable in regards to her cubs.

I call myself Mama Bear. I have made such a fuss about my kids. I have gone to all lengths to protect them, and I have "made a scene" from time to time. Alright, let's be honest. When it comes to my children, WATCH OUT....this Mama Bear will NOT let you hurt them...and if you do...be prepared for a fight. And, I will NORMALLY win! I don't really care what others think about me when it involves my children. I know my own personal insecurities, but when my "cubs" are involved, this MAMA BEAR will stop at nothing to take care of it.


My cubs have been hurt, and this Mama Bear is roaring....


When school first started this year, my oldest, Alex, was isolated, made fun of, and talked down to because she wasn't "in" the clique. She didn't "like" the music they did, dress like they did with the fancy bows, shiny shoes, etc. We had long discussions about what "types" of people she needed to invest her time and energy: Those people who love her heart, not what she does and "wears." After a few months, she became friends with those who hurt her, but she still keeps them at a very safe distance, and only allows the ones that aren't "surface" friends to know her deepest desires.

My sweet boy, Eli, too, has had his little friends hurt his feelings and he has retold stories over and over and over again about how he doesn't understand why they won't "play nicer" with him.
But, nothing like what you are about to read.

Last year Sammie attended the Pre-K program at the YMCA, here locally. It is a state funded, lottery awarded program. My sweet girl, who is flamboyant, fun, out going, happy, and too smart for her own good, started crying daily. We found out that the teachers were mean and rude to her, never gave her the same attention that the other children got. Sammie was "isolated" from the same love and attention that the other children received. One day a little boy touched her inappropriately. She came home crying, told me what happened, and I became enraged. I hid my anger long enough to ask questions of how, what, when, where, etc. Sammie retold the same story, line by line to Alex and I heard it through the baby monitor. It was obvious she was NOT lying. I learned that the teachers told her that she "made it up" and not to worry about it. I was told that if Sammie hadn't been flirting with him that he wouldn't have done it. Seriously, at 4? They really thought she was flirting with him at 4 years old! I called the state, had them investigated and quickly removed her from them because of this and the fact that the teachers continued to "isolate" Sammie as if she was the "predator." She was only at the Y for one month. She then went to the same school that Alex had for pre-K and they helped love her back to her normal self.

Well, my girl has been bullied again.

Sammie has been sad about some of the kids in the class. The way they "talk" to her, ignore her, and call her names. We have discussed, at length, how to love people who talk bad about you, even when it is hard. We have discussed what "types" of friends she should spend her most quality time with. There is one girl in her class that keeps telling her, "I won't be your friend unless you give me a gift." And this is a daily event. Two children in her class are always "kissing" on the playground. Seriously, at 5 &6? What is going on here? Then the past few weeks to a month Sammie has been telling us how she's such a "naughty girl", not pretty enough, and no one likes her. Last week she started telling me that she "hates herself." WHAT? I have been prying, and pushing, and digging to get down to the bottom of this. Last night she told me about several boys that have been making fun of her and calling her names. The same boys that seem to cause trouble and the parents do not step up and interact. So, Mama Bear went to the school this morning, ALL of my cubs in tow, and had a nice long discussion with the principal, assistant principal and Sammie and I talked with the counselor. This Mama Bear will not have this continue.

Now, for the constant, daily, pain. Lilah is stared at, kids point, parents rush by us in the grocery store like we have the plague. I hear their children ask questions about her eyes, her patch, her braces, how she looks, and the parents"hush" them and keep walking. I do my best to say, "Lilah is visually impaired. She cannot see like you and I do, but she is still a gift from God." I reassure the parents, who are obviously uncomfortable that their child asked the question, that Lilah wants and needs people to talk to her and that it is better to ask questions than stare, point, and make fun of her.

Recently, the dreaded "R" word has been said in my presence about my girl. "is she retarded?" My skin begins to boil. The kids in the girls school who point, whisper, and stare, and I hear the "retard" word again.

Tthe R word MUST go!! Its like this: do you think that the "n" word is funny? Really? Do you?Its not. No matter the context, it is NOT funny. It is a derogatory word used to put others down and hurt them. It makes me sad to hear two African American young men calling each other that name. Its not funny. Just like the "r" word should NEVER be used in a joke or to make fun of something or someone. Even if you are referring to yourself in the "Man, am I that retarded?!" See, no matter the context, it is used to hurt someone or put them down. Have you ever seen 2 children with special needs joking with each other saying, "hey retard. Yo, retard, what's up?" No, you haven't because it isn't funny. So, why would a man or women of color use a word that brings about such pain???? Beats me!

This "r" word needs to be removed from the vocabulary in our homes, work, cars, and schools. Our children need to be educated about how to speak to people. Parents, stop what you are doing and spend some time with your children. Help them understand that what they say can cause very painful things to happen.

A 14 year old girl in our community took her own life. No one really knows exactly why. But, she was BEAUTIFUL. She seemed to have it "all together." What was said to her, and when at what age, that made her think she wasn't good enough to be in this world? What happened to her that drove her to do something that has now impacted her older sister, who found her, and her mother...forever? What is going on in our culture that our children are hurting each other and themselves? What are we,as parents, missing that we are allowing them to get "hurt" like this? How can we as parents, friends, uncles, aunts, teachers, whomever be MORE involved in the next generations lives to help them LOVE each other AND themselves?

I have decided to take my hurt, anger, frustration, and pain and turn it into action. Will you partner with this MAMA BEAR and help me change the course of our childrens future? Will you do your VERY best to remove certain words and phrases from your vocabulary? Will you stand up for Lilah and ask your friends and family members not to use the "R" word, no matter the context? I have tried, but each time I ask I am told I am "too sensitive." Well, be that as it may...this sensitive, loving, giving, kind, compassionate, passionate, protective MAMA BEAR will do anything I can to put an end to bullying on all levels!