More than meets the eye

Look at this picture:

Go back and look again, but this time look longer.

Do you see how strong she is?

Do you see her looking outside?

Do you see her playing with the strings?

Do you see her reflection in the window?

Do you see what I see?

• A beautiful little girl who has defied all odds
• Strong
• Patient
• LOVING
• Sees more with her limited vision than we "fully sighted" people do
• has the softest, most gentle touch
• Will do anything she wants
• is a GIFT from God

I read something this week that changed me.

" Let's restore the hopes and dreams we had for our children before the diagnosis. and do whatever it takes to turn dreams into reality. If we don't dream out-loud for our children, how will they learn to dream for themselves?" Kathie Snow (Disability is natural)

See, when I was pregnant with Lilah I knew nothing of her disability. I didn't know if she would be a boy or a girl. All I knew was that my baby was healthy. We had every test done. Nothing said I was high risk or needed any special "extra tests." The ultrasounds we had never pointed to anything "abnormal." So, I took deep breaths after each test and began my dream for this child...

I was devastated when I learned of her disability at 18 hours old. Why? Why would I be devastated? Because my dream was squashed by the words that came from Dr.D's mouth. I couldn't see or hear anything but the words that he said. I never heard, "but she will be OK" or "this may be a long road, but you will see more than most people" or "she may be blind, but she will live a fulfilling life." There were no words of hope. There was nothing positive. Only the worst. So, I stayed there. I stayed in that place of misery for longer than I should have ever stayed. I look back at that time and wish that I hadn't wasted so much time being so sad. Why was I sad? Why didn't I see the gift I was given? Why did I let a diagnosis consume me? Why? Because I am human. I have human thoughts and emotions. I have dreams and hopes and wishes like we all do. But, I also have a very strong faith that has guided me on this journey. This faith, and my walk with Christ has strengthened so much in the last two years. Lilah was given to me to teach me, to teach my family, to teach us all...

I have changed my perspective. I have changed my thought process. Instead of staying in misery, I choose to stay in HOPE. When something negative is said about Lilah, her future, or what she "is and is not" I am learning to find the good in it. Yes, I admit to being honest and very human and allowing myself time to grieve and be disappointed, but I also choose to see what she IS and CAN rather than what she cannot. I now know what to do to get myself out of the pit of misery and wrong thinking to the place of peace and HOPE. I pray. I ask others to pray...not just for the hope of improvements and growths, and gains, but also for peace and trust in HIM when life isn't what I want. I surround myself with other believers and ask for their guidance. I go to church and praise Him for what He has given me. I praise Him for the miracles, for the things I have learned, for what He has taught me. I praise Him, even when I don't understand and see the bigger picture. Two years after hearing that news, I see why He chose me. I see things in myself that I never saw before. I have chosen to tell Lilah's story over and over and over again to make sure NO other mother feels as lonely, and as sad, and as hopeless as I did. I am determined to tell how the "ball was dropped" and we were left alone in that hospital room. No social worker, no one, NO one prepared us of the road ahead. No one told us that she may be delayed. No one told us of services, or help, or programs, of other parents. Nothing. No information was given to me. So, I am determined to help this system. Instead of sit and complain, I am in action mode. I have shared Lilah's story and she has been in a magazine. (Something Special) I have shared her story with our church. (Her story will be shared on "the BIG screen" as my kids call it, very soon. I promise to share when) I am honestly sharing my heart on this blog. See, God knew that I would be self-less and want to help. He knew I would stop at nothing to make sure NO one ever felt alone again. He knew that I would help fight for other parents, kids, etc so we could all find HOPE. He also knew that when those people thought they were making negative comments about me growing up like, "you never know what Katie will say" is actually a very good thing. You are right. You never know what I will say, and I am loud, and I am honest. And I will share the good news of Christ and what He has done for all to see. See, God made me to be a witness. He gave me Lilah so I could slow down and see Him more.

Today I see Lilah's future as open and free. She may be delayed and slower than most, but that doesn't mean she can't do anything she wants. And she will. I believe in her. I have faith in her. I will do whatever I can to help her achieve her dream. And I will be grateful for her everyday of my life!