I haven't written one like this in a long time...

When Lilah was diagnosed my world was forever changed.

I remember writing a post about my fears for her. For her life. Her future.


I don't want to go back and read them all right now to find it because I know I will lose the courage to get this out, but I remember writing a post about whether or not Lilah would be loved....

I remember typing the post in my bed, on my lap top, with tears streaming from my face.

I was so scared she wouldn't be loved. For who she is.

What I didn't realize until this morning.... That was my fear. For myself. I made the mistake of thinking my beautiful daughter wouldn't be loved, because I... I didn't think I was loved.

I didn't see myself like God sees me. I struggle with this. Daily.

This morning as I walked Lilah into school, I took this image with my iPhone.

Do you see the light coming from behind the trees? It looks like a heart or angel wings to me. 

My fears for her, for her being accepted and LOVED for who she IS....not who everyone WANTS her to be...MY fear....MY stupid demon I struggle with inside of ME...was laid to rest...for her this morning. For her.

I watched her walk into school, and one of her sweet little friends was waiting for her at her cubbie to show her that she had new Justin Bieber earrings. (He is Lilah's favorite) This sweet little girl was so excited for Lilah to see them. Then, I watched my Lilah put her cane in her cubbie, take her backpack off, hang it up, get her folder out and take it to her teacher. Then, she danced with one of her friends playing a little guitar. Then, she walked, confidentiality, to the back of her classroom to the "center" to play.

Lilah IS loved. She IS confident. She knows nothing of her "disability." She is happy. Almost 99.5% of the time. She exudes joy. She is MY angel.

SHE is here to remind me daily. By the hour. That I, too, CAN. I am loved. I cannot let my past and my pain define me. I must use it as fuel for my fire.

I got to my car and saw on my phone a notification that my friend, Christy...my best good friend as Forest Gump says, had tagged me in Pink's cover of Girl on Fire. Click here to watch and listen I just cried and cried. 

See, my sweet friend says that the song reminds her of me. So, I have dubbed it my "theme song." 

And, I psych myself to that place. Everyday. 

 My Lilah is here to help us all. Not just me. She is here fighting EVERY day. She is THE strongest woman I know. I see it daily. I believe it. SHE inspires me. SHE encourages me. SHE motivates me. 

Her will. Her determination. HER!

 I cannot thank God enough for her.

THIS girl...Lilah...is on FIRE!